Hey There, Boo Boo

Sometimes, instead of Build-a-Bear workshops in the mall, I wish they had Beat-A-Bear workshops. This would entail beating the stuffing out of a bear in lui of putting the stuffing in. If society had some sort of visceral, public outlet to sublimate angst and aggression, I think we would be better off. You may say that this niche is accommodated by organized sports and video arcades, however, football does not allow bear abuse and video games perpetuate social non-action. Moreover, bears have nothing to contribute to society or culture but chronic grumpiness and picnic theft. Down with the bear!

Bienvenidos a la mondial real.

I have a job (and it isn't Home Depot)! Wednesday, I was contacted by a small feed microscopy firm here in Manhattan who happened to see my posting on the university career services website. Thursday I had a 2.5 hour interview, and Friday I was made an offer (which was quickly accepted). I am a forensic food microscopist for Alteca Ltd. (http://www.alteca.com/), which means...well, I can't really tell you what it means because I just signed a non-disclosure agreement. Anyway, its funny how God chooses to answer prayer like the bomb diffuser in movies, always at the last second. I am constantly humbled by his provision and faithfulness, and it perpetually amazes me how little faith I often demonstrate despite this constancy. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us in this matter. We really do have it good.

My Top 10 Movies of 2007 (That I've been able to see so far)

10. The Simpson Movie: Almost 20 years in the making, this actually turned out to be a decent film and not just a two hour rehash of old material. I don't usually laugh out loud when I see comedies by myself in the theatre, but this was an exception to the rule.
9. The Host: Who knew that a Korean monster movie would make my list? I sure didn't. Best creature flick since Tremors.
8. The Bourn Ultimatum: If you told me seven years ago that Matt Damon would crank out a butt-kick franchise better than the recent James Bond series I would laugh in your face. Here is exhibit number three of that gaffe.
7. Waitress: Don't watch unless you want to crave pie for the following month.
6. 3:10 To Yuma: Thank you James Mangold, for bringing back the Western.
5. Hot Fuzz: The British + warm guns = happiness
4. Juno: Quirky script and amazing character development. Yes...I laughed audibly at this movie as well.
3. Ratatouille: Suddenly I don't feel so paranoid and disgusted by the possibility of rats in a restaurant kitchen.
2. No Country For Old Men: Tommy Lee Jones's monologue at story's denouement continues to haunt me to this very moment. A fine work from my favorite Director/Producer duo: the Coen Brothers.
1. There Will Be Blood: I can probably count on both my hands the performances/actors that I have seen in film that have completely floored me and left me with a new appreciation for the craft of acting. Daniel Day-Lewis is one of them. The films of P.T. Anderson all have a residual sorrow that leave the viewer (or at least myself) in a sort of spiritual malaise. You associate so easily and magnificently with the characters, that their tragedy, to some extent, becomes your own tragedy.

Note: These are movies that I personally enjoyed but do not necessarily recommend to EVERYBODY. Pick and choose at your own discretion. Thank you.

Where Am I Going? Where Are You Taking Me?

Since my interview with the Nebraska State Patrol has been so widely publicized, I feel obligated to share about my experience involving sitting in front of a panel of hardened cops and groping for words expressing why I'm the best candidate for the position. I happen to have a clip of the interview. Enjoy.

Another crisis averted

Yesterday I was driving in my car and saw a banana peel in the middle of the road. It made me laugh but I avoided it all the same.

And I thought it would be much less.

22

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A lot of B.S. (Two, in fact)

Commencement over. Finals done. Peanut butter jelly time!

Fun with a mac!

My first music video.

Mini me(s)

My new Purple Power Princess!



Purple Power brotherly love.

Good Fences Make...

This is what happens when you build a fence in loose soil. The city tore up the fence line in our backyard to fix a sewer main and promised to come back and ameliorate the mess they caused. Apparently the city did not move fast enough for our neighbors, and the fence was back up in a matter of days. You can see that after the rains a couple of the posts sunk almost a foot (sock monkey added for your scaling convenience). It is my theory that our neighbors are ardent nudists, and have expediently constructed this block to avoid inconvenient lawsuits. I can't say that I've aggressively pursued a confirmation of this theory, but since our neighbors are in the AARP demographic, I consider this mystery a welcome boon to my continued breakfast appetite.

Mmmmm....bacon!

They grow 'em big in Alabamy!

Why I Loathe Damon Lindelof

As an executive producer of a much-loved television serial, you have an obligation to your fans to occasionally toss them a freakin’ bone. Having just watched the season 3 finale of Lost, I feel like Mr. Lindelof owes me 72 hours of my life back and a commensurate monetary reimbursement for the emotional investment I have put into his work . Why, oh, why does he insist on producing five more questions for every question answered in the series? Call me when the final season comes out on DVD. I can’t take this anymore!

In addition to the airwave drug that Mr. Lindelof peddles, he torments the reclusive and oft-misunderstood community of graphic novel collectors. Listen to me, Damon, there should be a clause in the Geneva Convention that stipulates that you can not have the Incredible Hulk rip Wolverine into two pieces and forever leave your audience wiping up their spewed chocolaty YooHoo drink and dreaming about a wheelchair-bound, adamantium-laced gulomorph. I’m sticking to Archie you jerk!

A Farewell to Ingrid

It's a weird concept to me that I no longer have to keep my thoughts and feelings locked away in my pretty, black velvet, pony-jumping-rainbow diary. The cathartic ramblings of an introverted misanthrope can now be magically transformed into words of misguidance and cheap entertainment for a voyeuristic and critical society. The truth is, I take solace in the fact that, unless I become Katie Couric's meal ticket on the 6 o'clock news, this blog will never be viewed but by a handful of people. I can say things like: "poop" and "it was only on top of the trash pile so I ate it" and not be judged by the contingency of idiots who actually watch and enjoy Katie Couric. I hate blogs...or at least I used to. It now joins my list of "Things I Used to Hate, but Now Marginally Entertain" along with cell phones, mushrooms, and carnival folk. To me, "blog" sounds like the monosyllabic logorrhea you would hear from a Saturday-morning-cartoon alien race that's trying to converse with the more intelligent (or are they?) throng of cute little forest creatures (hilarity ensues). At any rate, most anything I initially hate, I eventually realize I can tolerate in small doses. Hence my Paracelsian mantra: Alle Ding' sind Gift und nichts ohn' Gift; allein die Dosis macht, dass ein Ding kein Gift ist ("All things are poison and nothing is without poison, only the dose permits something not to be poisonous"). "Goodbye," my teenage-angst-holding diary with a heart shaped lock; "Hello," internet.